A haunting story with a strong emotional twist that recontextualizes everything before it. The ending lingers because the greatest regret isn't the money it’s the words left unsaid. Do you think the narrator's real prison was the train station, or the guilt he couldn't let go of?
If say the regret, but even that is tainted. The gambling thought at the end is I wish I'd have net on the other horse, not I wish I hadn't bet at all.
Ooh, you like the darkness. I wasn't sure that story was going to do well on the Stack to be honest. Thought maybe the fondue set was a step too far. Happy to be proven wrong!
The legs going numb from sitting too long, right at the top, before you knew what it meant... And then the trains that keep pulling away without him and the attendant gently telling him he has to let it go. Sitting here with my arms crossed slightly annoyed that I didn't catch it earlier, but only slightly, cuz... the thing that actually gets me is that his last thought is a regret about a horse... Not her. The horse. That's the cruelest part and you knew it.
Ha, indeed, if zombie movies taught me anything you don't just shoot once, you need a double tap! Yeah in the end he's still a gambler. Glad you caught the connections. I try not to make twists so to speak, I consider them more like revelations. Something that looking back was inevitable, you had pieces, but you didn't know the full shape of it until the end, then the pieces click. Thanks for reading!
A haunting story with a strong emotional twist that recontextualizes everything before it. The ending lingers because the greatest regret isn't the money it’s the words left unsaid. Do you think the narrator's real prison was the train station, or the guilt he couldn't let go of?
If say the regret, but even that is tainted. The gambling thought at the end is I wish I'd have net on the other horse, not I wish I hadn't bet at all.
That's what struck me too. Even the regret isn't really about changing it just wants a different outcome from the same choices.
Really good! I liked “Consumed by Desire” even more!
Ooh, you like the darkness. I wasn't sure that story was going to do well on the Stack to be honest. Thought maybe the fondue set was a step too far. Happy to be proven wrong!
Great job! Ready to read more!
The legs going numb from sitting too long, right at the top, before you knew what it meant... And then the trains that keep pulling away without him and the attendant gently telling him he has to let it go. Sitting here with my arms crossed slightly annoyed that I didn't catch it earlier, but only slightly, cuz... the thing that actually gets me is that his last thought is a regret about a horse... Not her. The horse. That's the cruelest part and you knew it.
Ha, indeed, if zombie movies taught me anything you don't just shoot once, you need a double tap! Yeah in the end he's still a gambler. Glad you caught the connections. I try not to make twists so to speak, I consider them more like revelations. Something that looking back was inevitable, you had pieces, but you didn't know the full shape of it until the end, then the pieces click. Thanks for reading!
Nice work. I started to stress he was going to jump in front of the train!
I'm sure, if he could have, it would have crossed his mind.
I’ve never been into gambling, but you can feel the anguish of the narrator.
Great work!
I've gambled once... I but 5$ into a slot machine in Vegas. Instantly regretted it and thought I'd have much rather had a burger and fries 😡
devastating. lovely short.
I'm glad you enjoyed it!